Just Another Day
by Randomus Prime
Summary: Life is never dull even on a normal day. Crack, mentions of slash, running away from authorities, possible reader wtf


_**Just Another Day**_

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><p><strong>Author's Foreword:<strong>

**I don't know how it happened, I was actually supposed to write the next issue to Little Tragedies but instead this came out. I decided to try something new here, a single-scene fic where the conversation flows from one mech to another to the very end without mentioning the names of the ones who are talking and leaving hints in the dialog as to who is talking in the first place. I will give you the listing in the "Author's Notes" section.**

**Hope it is not too confusing! Try to figure it out who talks! Remember, the conversation switches participants.**

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><p>"So what are we gonna do about this?"<p>

"I don't know, why are you asking me?"

"Well, maybe, just maybe, it is because you caused this chaos?"

"Oh, yes, bread soaked with ketamine with a cream cheese filling randomly turning into nitroglycerin and then into diamond; yes, that is totally my fault. I have totally foreseen everything that could happen with his new invention."

"You knew it was dangerous! All those things are dangerous!"

"He made the dinobots!"

"And remember how badly just the five of them beat the whole crew of The Ark? No, wait, just three of them and then later just the other two. Seriously! With what are you thinking?"

"Your mom."

"Oh, haha, very slagging mature, Mr. I-Pee-My-Armor-Because-I-Am-Rebelling-Against-A-Non-Oppressive-Leader-For-No-Fragging-Reason …"

"Hey! You promised you won't call me that anymore!"

"Oh, grow a pair, will ya?"

"I can! I just don't want to …"

"You can be smart but you just don't want to."

"Yeah? Well …"

"You can stop whining, you just don't want to."

"Hey! I don't whine!"

"You can stop being such a kiss ass to Ultra Magnus, you just don't want to. Oh, wait, my bad, you are kissing something else of his!"

"H-h-how do you know?"

"Security cameras, they exist you know."

"Say what?"

"A security officer showed me."

"Say what?"

"Oh, and they 'accidentally' leaked onto the Internet."

"SAY WHAT?"

"That's right. What? You don't think that I, being the military strategist and overseeing everything that happens on every single one of our bases, wouldn't find out?"

"Wow, every single one?"

"You know it."

"Wow, you really have nothing else to do …"

"I think Jazz would respectfully disagree with you."

"You are weird …"

"And you are off to the brig if you don't tell me what we are going to do about the 'little incident' your incompetence caused."

"Me? The two of us doing it was leaked into the Internet! By 'accident' too!"

"Don't look at me, I saw nothing."

"Oh, come on!"

"Stop whining and go to the brig, or stop whining and shorten your time in the brig by a few weeks by helping me out."

"Fine! Jeez! Wait, a few weeks?"

"Yes, normally you would spend a whole month for something like this but I am willing to shave some time off depending on your behavior and willingness to cooperate."

"Oh, wow, how gracious of you …"

"All right, that's it, you are off to serve your whole time …"

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! I will help, all right?'

"Good, you get a week off your sentence."

"Wait, what? You said a few weeks!"

"You keep annoying me; my patience is not infinite. Six days."

"What?"

"Five."

"All right, all right! I am going! Slagging Cybertron! I will see you in the cafeteria."

"Good, good! I will see you later! And I expect you to show up on time!"

"Yeah, yeah, see ya!"

"Well, hello there, Police Officer."

"Oh, hey, where have you been?"

"Admiring you."

"Hm, you will be able to admire me more this evening over a bottle of fine-grade. What say you?"

"I would very much love that! Hey! Our esteemed leader and his lovely fembot companion have asked me to talk to you about a double date!"

"Oh? Curious, when?"

"Well, they said that they will need to talk to us later about it and set a time; just giving you a heads up."

"Thank you."

"Oh, and before I forget, our dearest dinobot has been acting naughty again!"

"I assure you, he will be punished!"

"I have been naughty too, you know."

"Hehe, we shall discuss it later tonight!"

"Blam! Hey guys! Blaboom!"

"Hey man!"

"Greetings."

"Zadong! Wuz hangin' brothers?"

"Gonna get that new recruit to follow the rules and protocols."

"Fabam! He never gonna last long under you! Nobody does! Except Special Operations Officer! BAM!"

"Oh, stop it! Hehe."

"Well, it was nice talking to you again however I do have to get going. I will see both of you later."

"Jazam! He seems 'xcited!"

"How can you tell?"

"Hehe, after you drink a few oils with anyone, you can tell what they feelin'. At least, it worked for me! HAZAM!"

"Haha! Ah, man, you wanna get a cup of good ol' oil?"

"Fapoom! Aint drinkin' now, sorry, haven't earned it."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, decided to cut back on drinkin', aint really workin', TRATATATAM! Well, see ya!"

"Bye!"

"Well, heh, got lotsa stuff goin' on eh?"

"Holy Cybertron! Where did you come from, man?"

"This is the door to mah lab!"

"Oh, oh! Wait, nothing exploded yet?"

"Oh, ye, didn' hear ye laughin' when mah kids beat the slag out of ye."

"Oh, come on!"

"Ye, ye, I know you were only jokin'. Sorry, been on a little, umah, I dunno, jus' feelin' down, ya know?"

"Perceptor jamming your circuits?"

"In a manneh of speaking …"

"The duo?"

"Nope, now it's the quintets."

"Oh, dear …"

"Yeh!"

"Aint they your grandkids?"

"Yeh, I got to listen to them a few times doin' it in the soundproofed room."

"Wait, wha? The room is soundproof!"

"Exactly."

"Holy Moly! That must have been, um, pleasant."

"Sarcasm? Fuckin' kiddin' me?"

"Sorry, sorry."

"Nah, I'm sorry too kid, again, the whole cranky thing."

"Eh, in any case, I gotta go on a patrol."

"Ok, hey, we still up fer the chess tournament?"

"You know it. See ya in a cycle."

"Bye."

"Who was that outside in the hall way?"

"Eh, dun worry bout it."

"All right. Now, what are we going to do about these gamma waves? They are creating some marginal probabilities for …"

"Ye, ye, I know, lemme handle it."

"I believe my expertise will be required too."

"Eh, fine but didn't you have some metallic thingah-majig teh work on?"

"Oh, I believe that can certainly wait, it is only a minor armor upgrade while this particular item may cause severe damage if not handled appropriately."

"So, what, you sayin' I aint good 'nuf to handle this?"

"No, no! I meant nothing like that!"

"Yeh, sure you didn't."

"What I meant was simply that, as our humans allies say, one head is good but two are better."

"Ergh, lez just get ter work."

"Is there something on your mind?"

"Well, eh, I guess yeh could say that."

"Have you talked to anyone about it?"

"I dun exactly have the time teh."

"Doubtful that any further stay in the lab will better your mood."

"Yeh, well, you know what, I have made three things so far and none of 'em exploded or malfunctioned yet!"

"Which, I daresay, rather frightens me."

"Uh-huh, how exactly?"

"Well, please, do not take this the wrong way. As much as I enjoy working in this laboratory, I find myself, at times, rather bored …"

"… even with the twins keepin' ya company?"

"Ehehehe, after that incident where we all came to know that fembots, too, are able to engage in sexual activity, they decided to avoid any more visits to this facility. They told me that the two of them were scared of you a big deal."

"Me? Huh, that's, interesting."

"Indeed! Would you like to know the whole explanation they provided me?"

"Sure."

"They are scared that you will make something like the dinobots again and send it specifically after the two of them."

"Oh, damn! I totally should have done that! Why didn' I think of that?"

"Well, this is one of the reasons why I do enjoy working with you: you do not focus on just one project. Once you are done and have experienced a certain level of consequence, my dear friend, you move on to further science in areas even I was stumped to find out existed."

"Oh, wow, man I gotta say thanks."

"Oh, don't you mind that. However I do have an apology to make."

"What did yeh six do this time?"

"We might have, um, depleted the, um, how should I say this …"

"Yeh ate all the Mechlairs, didn't yeh?"

"Not exactly ate …"

"Freakin' slag! The images in my head!"

"And one summer evening we got quite intoxicated with fine-grade."

"What teh frag did yeh do?"

"We, eh …"

"Well?"

"We did it on your berth."

"YEH WHAT?"

"I believe this is my cue to run!"

"Ah, ah, ah …"

"Bye!"

"WAIT YA FREAKIN' FRAGGEH!"

"AAAAAHHHH!"

"YEH DO IT ON MAH BERTH?"

"FORGIVE ME!"

"I WILL SLAGGIN' MURDER YA!"

"HEEEEEELP!"

"YEH KNOW IT'S USELESS!"

"WHAT THE SLAG ARE YOU TWO DOING?"

"Oh, dear!"

"Oh, shit!"

"We were, just, um …"

"Experimentin'!"

"Indeed!"

"Really? Mind if I ask what was your experiment this time? You better make it good, the brig has been empty for a few hours now; the temptation is getting harder to resist."

"Eh, well, what 'bout, um, oh! Hey, here's energon for thought: can an omnipotent being create somethin' that it can't lift?"

"Hm, well- wait, what?"

"RUN!"

"RIGHT BEHIND YOU!"

"Phew, freakin' hell! Oh, man imma outta shape!"

"Which is why you should get out more! You stopped practicing your stunts!"

"Eh, man, sorry 'bout, um, before. Just a lil' on edge."

"I think I understand."

"Just, eh, a ditch, gonna get outta it in a few days, hopefully."

"I know you will."

"Thanks."

"Oh, dear …"

"Wha?"

"We left the device turned on …"

"RUN!"

"Oh, dear!"

"Holy! Ok, we got 'ere on time, what the slag do we do now?"

"Um, let's see, the capacitor enters here, the control rods are hot!"

"Thaz what I heard last night …"

"I thought that room was soundproof!"

"It is."

"Oh, oh! So you heard …"

"Every word of it, the whole base did …"

"Oh, dear …"

"SLAG IT!"

"What?"

"There is a gaping hole in the metal sealing!"

"Oh, come on now, don't quote them."

"No! Ferreal!"

"Oh, dear!"

"Iz all right, as long as we don' … WHAT JUST HAPPENED?"

"I believe we just may have made a stable mini black hole …"

"… fuck …"

"We need to tweak the gravity manipulator!"

"Imma on it. Um, sorry, didn't mean to quote again."

"What is happening to that singularity?"

"I dunno but I am seein' rainbows oveh here. GRANDMA?"

"We need to shut it down!"

"We can't! That'll destabilize the freakin' thing!"

"Oh, dear, what do we do?

"Um, hold on! I think I know!"

"If you know, do it now!"

"When I was makin' telephones with a disposable pop-coil unit and tryin' teh fuse it with an easy bake oven with a nuclear reacteh, I ran into somethin' like this."

"An easy bake oven with a nuclear reactor?"

"I still dunno what happened to it, I think I left my baby Ick-Yaks in there …"

"The device!"

"Oh, right …"

"Wait, Ick-Yaks? Baby Ick-Yaks?"

"Long story short, chinchillas on steroids and caffeine."

"WHAT?"

"Stabilize the power output! Quickly!"

"Right away!"

"Jus' give me an astrosec, steady, steady, steady …"

"Stop quoting! You are making me blush!"

"… steady and done!"

"Did you save the whole thing in your data banks?"

"Unfortunately, it's burned in it."

"Ah, well... how is the device?"

"All good, no longer malfunctioning."

"If I may, I have a question."

"Shoot."

"Why would a human sized egg-beater need an anti-matter generator?"

"Fuck if I know …"

"Well, now that it is done, I shall get back to my research."

"And I am going to take a break, I will be in the rec room if yeh need me."

"I implore you to not forget the chess tournament."

"Yeh, yeh, relax, will yeh? I remember!"

"Indeed. I will see you later."

"Yup. HuhumhahahumlalatututuAAAAH! Where'd you come from?"

"So, a human sized egg beater?"

"What? You need it for strategizing?"

"I assure you that I have much better equipment for such activities."

"Yeh, sure. I'm confident you and the Special Operations Officer have been busy 'planning' and 'strategizing' …"

"In fact, we have been very 'busy' as you have guessed."

"So how's it goin' between yeh two?"

"I shall ask him to become my bondmate."

"Say wha? Well, conratufreakin'lations!"

"I believe a 'Thank you' is in order."

"A celebration is in ordeh! Where ya gonna do it?"

"I am still working out the details but I am confident I will be doing it some time this week."

"Well, again! Congratulations n' good luck!"

"Thank you."

"Oh, I gotta go this way, you?"

"The other way."

"All right, gonna see you at the tournament?"

"Indeed you shall."

"Right, see ya!"

"Bye! All right, now to talk to that fragging dinobot. I think he was in his quarters. Let's see, no, no, no, no, ah! Here! Hey, I heard you have been causing trouble again!"

"ME, GRIMLOCK, LOVE PROWL!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! HEEEEEEEELP! HE IS TRYING TO HUG MEEEEE!"

The two mechs ran down the hall, everybody getting the hell out of their way, unwilling to be ran over by either. Finally, the dinobot caught up to the police car and glomped him:

"Me, Grimlock, say you my friend!"

"Grimlock! Can't breathe! Krrrhhhhaaaa …"

"Prowl, squishy like a toy! Me, Grimlock, love Prowl!"

"H… p… el… he… lp…"

"Mm, Prowl comfy, Grimlock go to bed now."

And with those words, just like he said, the ferocious dinobot commander fell asleep hugging the ever-living spark out of Prowl, spreading the heavenly stench of alcohol all over the Ark.

"That's it," the strategist finally was able to breathe, "I am getting rid of all alcohol."

"Mm," Grimlock replied, squishing Prowl even harder.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

**All right, for those wondering who were talking here is the rundown:**

**Hot Rod and Prowl**

**Prowl and Jazz**

**Jazz, Prowl and Warpath**

**Warpath and Jazz**

**Jazz and Wheeljack**

**Wheeljack and Perceptor**

**Wheeljack and Perceptor run into Prowl**

**Perceptor and Wheeljack**

**Wheeljack and Prowl**

**Prowl and Grimlock**

**Again, I hope it wasn't too confusing, if I ever write something like this again I will try harder to replicate their speech patterns. If you actually managed to figure it out, well, I am glad that you did.**

**As you see there are references to Perceptor and the Technobots, no comment on that *you know who you are*.**

**I think this fic answers the question where Swindle gets some of his products ...**

**Thanks to C.M.D. for editing and reviewing!**


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